Sunday 25 / January / 2026
Disaster is never far aware when you try to do a hundred things at the same time. I reminded myself that two hands and a pair of eyes were all I had to do everything. I make many excuses when the pressure is on. I blame the time for whizzing past and sometimes people around me. I also blame unkind deadlines of my work and even the telephone that keeps ringing all the time.
It was only last week, after I swept away a steaming cup of tea off the table, that I realised I needed to put everything in a proper perspective. I looked at the broken glasses and I said to myself quite loudly," slow down, man, slow down."
The tone of my voice surprised me. It was as if the words were spoken by somebody else. I let my imagination run wild as I cleaned up the floor. There was another person lurking inside me, I thought. This person was in a great hurry and wanted to live in a fast lane of life. This person, I let my thoughts wonder even further, thrive in pressure and ignores the potential dangers. The second person was opposite and has the temperament of a man with fewer demands. As I disposed of the broken glasses in the bin, I wondered which character was in control that precise moment. It was then the shrill of the telephone disturbed the silent discussions between the two personalities in me.
I grabbed the phone and my impulse was to snap on whoever was at the end of the line. I guess that came from the character who was always in a hurry. However, I refused to bow to his demands and said quite calmly to the mouthpiece," hello."
It was a secretary of the CEO who I requested an interview. She said her boss would not be available to answer my questions for the next thirty days.
"He is going on holiday…" there was a pause, perhaps she was looking for reaction but when none came, she added," sorry about that but I will be in touch."
There was an awkward silence after that because she expected me to say something back. The truth is that I was giving one of my characters a chance to decide who was going to respond first. I think the more sensible one won the argument and I heard myself saying," that's okay. I can wait for another month."
Before she hung up, she asked me," are you alright, Mr Shaibany?"
I told her I was perfectly alright. Deep inside, as I put down the phone, I knew there was some change in me and I was far away from being alright. Minutes later, as I stared blankly at the screen of my computer, I wondered if I was going mad. Was the clash of the two personalities in me an imaginary one? Or was it just a conflict between what was right and wrong was taking hold of me?
It took more several minutes for me to decide what I thought was the right thing to do. I switched off the computer and decided to do nothing at all. I also switched off my mobile and disengaged the office telephone. I then went on to do something I never did for many years.
I took off straight to the beach and plunged into the warm water for a quite swim. As the gulls hovered above me, I knew I had to do something about the two personalities in me. I may have to go back to the root of my conflict to find the real me. But where is he?
